Catch up on all last night's awards action with Hadley Freeman
?�News: Firth crowned while Social Network cleans up
?�Peter Bradshaw's reaction
?�Gallery: quotes of the night
?�Gallery: Globes arrivals
?�Gallery: TV winners
?�Full list of winners
12.15am GMT: Greetings all, and welcome to the preview to tonight's Golden Globes liveblog. While I may not actually be on the red carpet in Los Angeles, I will be reporting to you live from my red sofa in New York. Truly, no expense is spared in the Guardian liveblog department. This is journalism in action, people! Suck on it, Woodward and Bernstein.
Oh, I do love the Golden Globes. So much more fun than the Oscars, because the nominees tend to be more what my cousin Catie calls "loosey goosey", or what I call "drunk". The usual explanation for this is that it's because there are so many more acting categories at the Globes than at the Oscars. Thus, at least half the nominees go there assuming they won't get the big nod later so they may as well get plastered tonight. Personally, I think it's because the Golden Globes are voted for by Hollywood's Foreign Press Association and the usually teetotal Californian celebrities use this as an excuse to get wasted. Getting drunk: it's so European, you know? Hopefully, someone will be as European as Jennifer Aniston was the other week at the People's Choice Awards.
A couple of drunk celebs would definitely be some compensation for the irritation that is Ricky Gervais, who will be hosting the proceedings with a guaranteed smirk.
So while we're waiting for smirking Ricky, let's discuss the nominees, looking at who should and shouldn't have been nominated, who should win and who probably will.
BEST PICTURE ? Drama
Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The King's Speech, The Social Network.
I'm going to own up from the beginning and say I haven't seen The Fighter, mainly because I have seen The Wrestler, 8 Mile and Rocky, and therefore assumed I didn't need to. Also, I have a medical condition that makes it impossible for me to gaze upon Mark Wahlberg without shouting, "I'm picking up GOOD vibrations! She's giving me EXcitations!" so for the sake of fellow cinemagoers, I abstained. Thus, all predictions and opinions expressed herein should be taken with that cavil.
My only real problem with this slew of nominees is that Inception was nominated and 127 Hours was not. Hopefully we won't be talking about Inception much this evening and the only thing that needs to be said about that snorefest (a movie about sleep that puts you to sleep ? brilliant! Content equals form!) was that South Park's parody of it was a billion times better than the movie, plagiarism issues aside.
Otherwise, The King's Speech, enjoyable though it is, is little more than a conventional genre film stuffed with some great actors. I would be very happy if Black Swan won but I reckon it will go to The Social Network. Fair enough, although I do think that film will look ridiculously dated in just a few years' time. If Hollywood really wanted to make a movie about a website that changed the world, surely they should have made one about Google. I'm not on Facebook and yet I manage to get by. But I literally cannot remember the last day when I did not use Google at some point.
BEST PICTURE ? Musical or comedy
Alice in Wonderland, Burlesque, The Kids are All Right, Red, The Tourist
If The Kids Are All Right doesn't win this one, I'm throwing my laptop out the window. The Tourist?! Are you freaking kidding me, Foreign Press Association? The obvious omission here is True Grit, which is not a great film; it's not even a great Coen brothers film. But it is a hell of a lot better than The Tourist, aka The Snorist. Oh, I am on fire tonight.
BEST ACTOR ? Drama
Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network), Colin Firth (The King's Speech), James Franco (127 Hours), Ryan Gosling (Blue Valentine), Mark Wahlberg (The Fighter)
Well, it's got to be Colin, doesn't it? And fair enough, really, even if that nod would probably be as much for A Single Man as The King's Speech. He really is great in the latter, though, and without him that film would be nothing more than a bit of royalist propaganda.
James Franco may cause an upset, perhaps in compensation for 127 Hours' bewildering omission from Best Picture category, and also for his great performance this year in Howl. But I reckon the best of Franco is yet to come. The King's Speech is definitely Firth's bid for glory. Jesse Eisenberg would also be a pleasing winner, even if his recent interview with Conan O'Brien, in which he expanded at length about his addiction to adopting cats, suggested that his performance in The Social Network as a reclusive, socially awkward nerd did not tax his talent too greatly.
BEST ACTRESS ? Drama
Halle Berry (Frankie and Alice), Nicole Kidman (Rabbit Hole), Jennifer Lawrence (Winter's Bone), Natalie Portman (Black Swan), Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine)
Kidman? Oy vay. The critics love her, which is why she may ? unbelievably ? get an award tonight. But to quote Will Ferrell in Zoolander, I feel like I'm eating crazy pills here! The woman cannot act! She can't even move her face anymore these days!
I'd love to see Michelle Williams win, but she won't because she has an orgasm in Blue Valentine and, apparently, that's a bad thing. Natalie Portman will surely get it, and not just for her brilliant performance. She lost some weight for Black Swan, you see, and in Hollywood that in itself is worth international acclaim.
BEST ACTOR ? Musical or comedy
Johnny Depp (Alice in Wonderland), Johnny Depp (The Tourist), Paul Giametti (Barney's Version), Jake Gyllenhaal (Love and Other Drugs), Kevin Spacey (Casino Jack)
You know, there are some times in life when you feel like the world makes absolutely not a jot of sense. Looking at this list of nominees is one of those times. How on earth could Gyllenhaal be nominated for Disease Movie of the Week? Or Johnny Depp for The freaking Tourist? And most of all, why weren't Jeff Bridges or, in particular, Matt Damon for True Grit? Damon is really, really great in that film, giving a vanity-free, ego-free, genuinely funny performance, which is not something that can be said about pretty much anyone else on this list. So in conclusion, my reluctant vote goes to Paul Giametti, who is pretty good in Barney's Version, even if the film isn't, and, most of all, seems like a nice guy. Here, Paul, have an award.
BEST ACTRESS ? Musical or comedy
Annette Bening (The Kids Are All Right), Anne Hathaway (Love and Other Drugs), Angelina Jolie (The Tourist), Julianne Moore (The Kids Are All Right), Emma Stone (Easy A)
OK, just looking at this list makes me cross. So to spare my blood pressure, I'll just say I'd be happy with either Julianne Moore or Annette Bening winning tonight, and I reckon it will be Bening.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christian Bale (The Fighter), Michael Douglas (Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps), Andrew Garfield (The Social Network), Jeremy Renner (The Town), Geoffrey Rush (The King's Speech)
Well, the critics seem to think that Bale will get it and, as I said earlier, I can't really comment on that beyond a non-caring shrug. I think it's a real shame that Guy Pearce wasn't nominated for The King's Speech as the Nazi-appeasing, Wallis-obsessed prince, but maybe that upset some people's preferred image of the British royalty as glorious demi-gods too much. Justin Timberlake for The Social Network is also a sad omission, and he has been unjustly overlooked in a lot of the coverage of the movie.
I really hope that Michael Douglas doesn't win this. While I am very pleased he has recovered from cancer, he shouldn't get a Golden Globe for doing so, not least because that seems like a pretty patronising response to fighting a life-threatening illness, and Douglas is better than that and a better actor than he was in that movie. The voters may well disagree. I'd love Andrew Garfield to win it and not just because I have an inappropriate old lady crush on him. OK, that is totally why I want him to win it.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams (The Fighter), Helena Bonham Carter (The King's Speech), Mila Kunis (Black Swan), Melissa Leo (The Fighter), Jackie Weaver (Animal Kingdom)
Mila Kunis instead of Barbara Hershey for Black Swan? Poor choice, Foreign Press Association. Oh well, in the absence of Hershey and her Mommie Dearest routine, I'm rooting for Helena, and I reckon she'll get it. Her brittle performance in The King's Speech was great, and plus, she's kinda awesome.
BEST DIRECTOR
Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan), David Fincher (The Social Network), Tom Hooper (The King's Speech). Christopher Nolan (Inception), David O Russell (The Fighter)
Well, I'd prefer Aronofsky to get it as The Black Swan was a lot more imaginative and exciting than The Social Network, but Fincher may well get in there. It's probably between those two, and either would be acceptable. In terms of omissions, though, I'm not quite sure why Danny Boyle was left off here. Maybe they feel he had his fill from Slumdog Millionaire. Shame, because 127 Hours is not only a better film than Slumdog but it's a better film than many on this list.
BEST SCREENPLAY
127 Hours (Simon Beaufoy and Danny Boyle), Inception (Christopher Nolan), The Kids Are All Right (Lisa Cholodenko and Stuart Blumberg), The King's Speech (David Seidler), The Social Network (Aaron Sorkin)
It should and will be Sorkin, and that's all there is to say.
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
Despicable Me, How To Train Your Dragon, The Illusionist, Tangled, Toy Story 3
Toy Story. Duh.
BEST FOREIGN FILM
Biutiful, The Concert, The Edge, I Am Love, In A Better World
I'm ashamed to say that, of these, I've seen only I Am Love, so I'll leave you guys to duke this out among you.
BEST ORIGINAL SONG
"Bound to You," Burlesque (performed by Christina Aguilera; written by Samuel Dixon, Christina Aguilera and Sia Furler)
"Coming Home," Country Strong (performed by Gwyneth Paltrow; written by Bob PiPiero, Tom Douglas, Hillary Lindsey, Troy Verges)
"I See the Light," Tangled (performed by Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi; written by Alan Menken & Glenn Slater)
"There's a Place For Us," The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (performed by Carrie Underwood; written by Carrie Underwood, David Hodges, Hillary Lindsey)
"You Haven't Seen the Last of Me Yet," Burlesque (performed by Cher; written by Diane Warren)
Oh God, please not that Gwyneth song. I can't take Gwyneth with a guitar. Gwynnie, please, go back home and write some more newsletters about how you and your friends spend your days.
The one everyone is rooting for is, of course, You Haven't Seen the Last of Me, because everyone wants to hear Cher sing and see what Cher is wearing. Am I right or am I right?
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Inception (Hans Zimmer), The King's Speech (Alexander Desplat), The Social Network (Trent Reznor and Atticus Rose), Alice in Wonderland (Danny Elfman), 127 Hours (AR Rahman)
Tough one, actually. I always love an Elfman score, and I salute Danny Boyle's wisdom in continuing to work with AR Rahman after teaming up with him for Slumdog Millionaire. But my personal choice would be for Trent Reznor (duuuude!) and Atticus Rose's gloomy, tension-filled music for The Social Network. I bet they'll give it to Hans Zimmer for Inception, though.
BEST TV SERIES ? Drama
Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, The Good Wife, Mad Men, The Walking Dead
I'm not going to talk about Mad Men tonight because a Guardian journalist raving about Mad Men is like a French man wearing a beret ? too much of a clich� to stomach. So all I'll say is it surely will win, and deservedly so, though I'd be happy with The Good Wife, too.
BEST TV SERIES ? Musical or comedy
30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, The Big C, Glee, Modern Family, Nurse Jackie
This is without a doubt Glee's year. Gleek out, people.
BEST ACTOR ? Drama
Steve Buscemi (Boardwalk Empire), Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad), Michael C Hall (Dexter), Jon Hamm (Mad Men), Hugh Laurie (House MD)
Look, I love Steve Buscemi as much as the next fan of weird-looking actors, but he should not win this. That show is lame and, good as Buscemi is, he has been better elsewhere. Anyway, this is all academic as Hamm is surely going to walk this one.
BEST ACTRESS ? Drama
Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men), Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife), Piper Perabo (Covert Affairs), Katey Sagal (Sons of Anarchy), Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
I love Elisabeth Moss ? well, I love her character on the show, anyway. The Scientologist Moss, perhaps, not so much. But this one will probably go to Margulies, as it should.
BEST ACTOR ? Musical or comedy
Alec Baldwin (30 Rock), Steve Carell (The Office), Thomas Jane (Hung). Matthew Morrison (Glee), Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)
Baldwin just gets better and better in 30 Rock but I think they'll give this one to Matthew Morrison. Baldwin probably doesn't have any room left on his mantelpiece for another award, anyway.
BEST ACTRESS ? Musical or comedy
Toni Collette (United States of Tara), Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie), Tina Fey (30 Rock), Laura Linney (The Big C), Lea Michele (Glee)
At last ? a list of nominees I can totally get behind. No idea on this one, really. Fey, maybe? Or Linney? Either one would be acceptable.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR ? TV series, miniseries or made-for-TV movie
Scott Caan, (Hawaii Five-o), Chris Colfer (Glee), Chris Noth (The Good Wife), David Strathairn (Temple Grandin), Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)
Maybe one day people will explain to me the appeal of Chris Noth because even after watching each episode of Sex and the City at least seven times, occasionally dipping into Law & Order and a recent addiction to The Good Wife, I do not get it. I like all of those shows (well, "like" might be a bit strong for Law & Order) not because of Noth but in spite of him. Anyway, Chris Colfer is adorable on Glee but my heart belongs to Eric Stonestreet on this one. He is just ace on Modern Family, which is, itself, ace.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS ? TV series, miniseries or made-for-TV movie
Hope Davis (Special Relationship), Jane Lynch (Glee), Kelly Macdonald (Boardwalk Empire), Julia Stile (Dexter), Sofia Vergara (Modern Family)
Jane Lynch Jane Lynch Jane Lynch. Hey! Did I mention Jane Lynch? That woman deserves awards every day of the week and Sunday, too. Jane Lynch!
BEST ACTOR ? miniseries or made-for-TV movie
Idris Elba (Luther), Ian MacShane (Pillars of the Earth), Al Pacino (You Don't Know Jack) Dennis Quaid (The Special Relationship), Edgar Ramirez (Carlos)
I'm guessing they'll give it to Edgar Ramirez. But as this is a British newspaper website, one is duty bound to root for the British actor and, as I don't want to vote for Ian MacShane, I guess I'm Team Idris.
BEST ACTRESS - miniseries or made-for-TV movie
Hayley Atwell (Pillars of the Earth), Claire Danes (Temple Grandin), Judi Dench (Return to Cranford), Romola Garai (Emma), Jennifer Love Hewitt (The Client List)
Jesus, Mary and Joseph ? Jennifer Love Hewitt? For that piece of crap? That show was absolutely the nadir of Hewitt's career and, as all Hewittologists will appreciate, that really is saying something. This one is up in the air so I'll just randomly guess, er, Garai? Yeah, give it to Romola Garai.
Right, I'm going to make some popcorn now and so should you. Let's rejoin at 1am GMT, when hopefully there will be some famous people wearing expensive clothes on the red carpet that we can look at and discuss.
Right folks, so here we are on the red carpet, let's look at some clothes.
Oh mine eyes, mine eyes! What the HELL is January Jones wearing, a woman who is going to get a reputation for the worst red carpet dresser of all time. So, at the Emmys she wore a dress that looked like a Smurf had an accident on her.
Tonight, she is wearing some vomitous Versace dress that appears to be made out of red Band-Aids. "I'm not wearing this for nothing," she simpers to E!'s Ryan Seacrest. That sound you heard in the background was January's dignity dying.
OK, can someone explain to me how Kelly Osbourne has become E!'s red carpet fashion correspondent? Is there not an internal contradiction in there somewhere? E!, listen to me - Kelly may be wearing a peroxide bouffant these days but she is no Joan Rivers. Bring back Joan!
Ooh, it's starting! And here comes an incongruously slim Ricky Gervais. He appears to have been on Seth Rogen's diet and, like Seth, has lost his humour with his weight.
He's opening with a Charlie Sheen joke. Is that not basically the celebrity equivalent of opening with a mother-in-law joke?
Oh, now he's talking about the alleged bribery scandal, and made a joke about the amount of airbrushing on the Sex and the City 2 poster (prompting, pleasingly, laughs from Chris Noth, on whom the cameras were trained and ready). Some good jokes about the lameness of The Tourist, which got Ricky booed.
This is kinda like watching David Brent host an industry event in Slough.
ScarJo presenting first award for Best Actor. I do not approve of her dress (left). That is all I have to say for the moment.
AWARD! It's gone to Christian Bale, as was widely predicted. Bale is currently sporting a misguided combo of long hair and facial hair, aka the Charles Manson look (see below).
He also seems to be drunk. This is great.
Well, Katey Segal won for Sons of Anarchy, beating my favourites, Elisabeth Moss and Juliana Margulies. She gave a boring speech. Oh well.
At least this gave the camera time to pan away and look at the dresses. Let's discuss those now, shall we?
Well, Christina Aguilera appears to be wearing something from Karen Millen ("La Senza?" suggests my colleague, Janine Gibson). E! has the most amazing whizzbang graphic since the simulated crumbling paving stones I believe Newsnight did during the UK elections. It's called a 360 Glamcam and allegedly gives every view possible of an actress' outfit but is basically just a high tech way of getting some upskirt shots. Olivia Wilde, wearing what looked like a gold lampshade, happily obliged while Sofia Vergara from Modern Family obligingly stuck out what Kelly Osbourne referred to as "her bootie".
Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey just presented the award for Best Actor in a Miniseries and, as I predicted, it went to Edgar Ramirez in Carlos. Meh. More importantly, Julianne, a word: when your hair is a lovely shade of red, don't wear a big pink sack for a dress. Glad to have cleared that up for you.
Good Lord, what the HELL has happened to Michelle Pfeiffer's face?! She seems to be presenting something but I can't see what because my eyes have been scarred by it.
Eva Longoria is now presenting an old guy who's apparently important - so important that he dies his white hair bright orange. This is a sign of being important, right, Rupert Murdoch?
AWARD! Steve Buscemi just won Best Actor in a Drama, a surprising upset, judging from the big cheer for Jon Hamm earlier. I am displeased by this win, for reasons discussed in my preview. But, hey, I like Buscemi. Did anyone ever see Trees Lounge, which Buscemi directed? That was good. I'm just going to pretend this award was for Trees Lounge. Or Fargo.
AWARD! Best TV Series Drama went to ... Boardwalk Empire! Jesus H Christ. Honestly, maybe if I just take some tape from a CCTV camera, stick Martin Scorcese's name at the beginning, I'll get a Golden Globe. This is ridiculous. People, listen to me, that show is booooring. I am now in a huff.
Andrew Garfield (left) is presenting a preview of The Social Network. Oh dear, he can't say the words "inspiringly written". Isn't being able to speak an important part of being an actor? At least he's handsome.
And now Alec Baldwin and J-Lo are presenting an award or, possibly, getting married, judging from the REVOLTING white dress J-Lo is wearing. Anyway, she attempts to do some humour - fail. He does some jokes - win. Give it up, Jen.
AWARD! Best original song goes to Cher's song! But - nooooo! That's not Cher getting up on stage - is it? Well, could be, anything's possible with Cher's plastic surgeon these days. No, it's definitely not, it's Diane Warren. OK, fair enough, she did write the song. But I cannot lie - this was something of a disappointing result, all things considered.
AWARD! The Social Network just won for best original score, as I wanted but did not predict. Go Trent Reznor! Nine Inch Nails fans all around the world are almost cheered up by the news. But then immediately sink back down into their usual collective depression.
Oh my God, the Biebermeister is presenting an award! Oh my gawwwwd!!!!!! His hair is wet! Is this the new Bieber barnet! Oh my gawdddddddd!!!!
Aptly, he is presenting the award for Best Animated Feature (insert joke about him being too young to see anything else, ho ho ho).
AWARD! Toy Story 3! As predicted! And deserved. Ahhh, Bieber brings so much happiness to the world, doesn't he?
Ricky has taken off his jacket. He is wearing a waistcoat. He looks like an extra from Back to the Future III. or maybe True Grit, if we're going for relevancy.
Robert Downey Jr is presenting an award and is wearing tinted spectacles bringing to mind the line from Curb Your Enthusiasm: "Only two types of people wear sunglasses inside - blind people and asses."
Angelina Jolie appears to be sitting in Brad Pitt's lap. Yes, yes, we know you guys have soooo much sex, get over it.
Robert seems to be making some kind of 'joke' about how he wishes he could sleep with all the actresses nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy or Musical. Wow, so he's like this when he's sober? Or has he taken so many drugs that he's permanently a jerk? Debate amongst yourselves.
AWARD! Annette Bening got it. Yay! As predicted and deserved. Warren is giving her a kiss. Yay Annette! A pleasing outcome.
Annette giving a very worthy speech, so worthy she has to wear her worthy spectacles. God, this is boring - maybe playing that humourless, worthy Joni Mitchell fan in the film wasn't much of a stretch for her, after all.
Ooh, cutaway shot to P Diddy! That was awesome. And incongruous.
Sylvester Stallone is presenting a clip of The Fighter (ooh yes, I see what he did there.) As I've already said, I haven't seen this film due to my Mark Wahlbergitis. So all I'll say is that Sylvester appears to be turning into his mother, Jackie.
Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton presenting the award for best actor in a miniseries. Geoffrey Rush, for reasons that I suspect will remain opaque, is wearing a trilby.
AWARD! Went to Pacino. Meh. Shoulda been Idris.
Al Pacino giving a rambling speech. My God, Pacino, eh? The older he gets, the more he looks like a caricature of Al Pacino. Anyway, that wasn't nearly as interesting as it would have been if Idris or Lovejoy won.
AWARD! Best Actress for miniseries or made-for-TV movie - Claire Danes. Well, I am not a Danes fan so I'm not overly excited. But then, this was not a category I cared about much anyway so I guess I'll survive.
Zac Efron is presenting a clip of The Kids Are All Right and he is providing further proof that child actors rarely age well. They invariably look like old kids as opposed to youthful grown ups (eg Mickey Rooney, Leo DiCaprio.)
Tina Fey and Steve Carell are presenting an award for best screenplay and are being pleasing and funny. I quite like Tina's navy dress.
AWARD! Aaron Sorkin got it for The Social Network, as predicted and deserved. Here's hoping Sorkin makes some nasty comments about Sarah Palin, as he is prone to do.
Ah yes, there he goes, saying that the people at the ceremony have proven to his daughter that "elite" is not a bad word. That was a Palin dig, you know.
AWARD! Jane Lynch just won Best Supporting Actress in a TV series! Yay! "I am nothing if not falsely humble," Jane says. Oh, I do love her. And yes, we all know that she was brilliant in Best in Show and 40 Year Old Virgin but why doesn't anyone ever mention Role Models? My God, she was funny in that. Go Jane Lynch! Best speech so far and most deserving winner.
Ricky says the Twilight kids are presenting for best foreign film "the category that no one in America cares about." And seeing as - as I've already admitted - I have only seen one of those films, I guess I prove his point.
AWARD! Went to In A Bette World, and I'm sure it's great.
Anyway, Kristen Stewart's dress was kinda amazing.
Ooh, it's Helen Mirren! She's presenting a clip of The King's Speech - yes, again, we can see what they're doing here. Anyway, Helen's lovely.
Good LORD! It's Vanessa Williams and Blair Underwood, presenting an award for best actress in a comedy or musical. Now, I said 'Vanessa Williams', but judging from her mutilated face it is actually a Botoxed wax statuette, possibly of Cleopatra.
AWARD! Laura Linney for The Big C. Well, that's nice - Linney is great. Personally, I'd quibble whether a show about cancer really qualifies as a comedy but then seeing as The Tourist allegedly does, I guess the Foreign Press Association have a different kind of sense of humour than me.
Good LORD it's Jane Fonda, looking - well, looking scary but amazing with it. Fonda's there "for my friend Cher." Of course she is.
Cut away to Christina Aguilera and when I say "Aguilera" I mean "Aguilera's breasts."
AWARD! Good Lord - Jim parsons from The Big Bang Theory beat ALEC FRICKING BALDWIN? Matthew Morrison from Glee looks a bit naffed off, as well he might. Hugh Laurie just leaned over to his wife and visibly whispered "Who is that?" Best moment of that award.
Wow, it's Jeremy irons presenting Best Supporting Actress in a film and he looks like, well, he looks like Claus von Bulow, to be honest.
AWARD! Melissa Leo for The Fighter. Time to get more popcorn.
Matt Damon is presenting a lifetime achievement to Robert De Niro. Damon's doing some schtick about how he'd never heard of De Niro before he was in The Good Shepherd. De Niro doesn't look like he's enjoying this schtick so much.
Now they're showing clips from De Niro's career, in the years when he wasn't just in Meet the Fockers. Wow, those were the days.
Big standing ovation for De Niro. "And I loved you in The Fighter," he says to Damon. Which was funny. Almost as funny as the montage of clips they showed from De Niro's career ended in 2001 and didn't include anything in the Focker franchise, an omission De Niro amusingly makes reference to in his speech.
Apparently, this lifetime achievement is called a Cecil B DeMille award in Golden Globesland.
Oh my God, De Niro's actually complaining about all of his movies that were left out of his montage. Stanley and Iris? Frankenstein? No no, Bobby, the point of this award is to make us FORGET those films. Don't you get it?
Scary Megan Fox is on stage doing something. I appreciate that the international consensus is that she is the most beautiful woman in the world but I think she looks like Angelina Jolie's avatar. Anyway, she's presenting a clip of The Tourist, one of the worst reviewed films of the year and yet repeatedly nominated tonight. For shame, Golden Globes.
AWARD! David Fincher got Best Director for The Social Network. Personally, my second choice in this category but, you know what? I'll allow this one. David Fincher, I benevolently grant you permission to accept this award.
Colin Firth looks bored, James Franco looks a little stoned. I'm sure he's not, I hasten to add.
The fabulous Jimmy Fallon and the terribly dressed January Jones are presenting the award for Best TV Series - Musical or Comedy.
And as predicted, it's gone to Glee when it should have gone to 30 Rock. Inevitable, really.
The guy from Glee just gave a shout out to public ("state" in the UK) school teachers which I think was a rebuttal to Robert De Niro's earlier comment about how he works to keep his kids in private schools.
Anyway, that's as close to controversy as we're likely to get tonight.
Alicia Keys, for no obvious reason, is presenting the clip for Black Swan. God, she's annoying, isn't she? What is it about Alicia Keys that is so irritating? Oh yeah, it's her music. That's what's so annoying.
Halle Berry presenting award for Best Actor in Musical or Comedy.
AWARD! Despite Johnny Depp's double nod it went - as predicted and desired - to Paul Giametti. That's nice. I like Giametti, even though I wasn't mad about the film. Giametti gives a shout out to the actresses in the film, "a trifecta of hotties."
Is it wrong that I liked that? He ends by saluting "the great nation of Canada." As I said, the Globes is all about getting drunk.
Joseph Gordon Levitt is presenting a boring clip of boring Inception. Levitt claims that the movie "did something new." Well, it put me to sleep and, as a frequent insomniac, I guess that was something new.
Jeff Bridges now presenting Best Actress in a Drama. God please don't let it be Kidman God please God please no.
AWARD! Natalie Portman, no surprise. Big snog from her husband, the choreographer who is, hilariously, named Benjamin Millepied. I'm sorry, but isn't that the kind of name Dickens would give to a choreographer - "Mr Thousandfeet."
Portman looks lovely in her pink maternity dress. Bad speech, though -
She thanks her fiance, Benjamin, for "helping me to continue this creation of creating new life." She then announces that Benjamin "totally wants to sleep with me!" and proceeds to make possibly the worst laugh I have ever heard. How delightfully unexpected.
AWARD! For Best Film - Comedy or Musical: The Kids Are All Right! Well, thank God, frankly, or, as promised this laptop would have been out the window. And then where would this liveblog be?
The producer hogged the entire speech and poor Lisa Cholodenko - who directed and wrote the film - didn't get a word in edgeways! I am annoyed on her behalf.
Wow, I am NOT liking Sandra Bullock's new hair. She looks like Pocafrickinghonts! Anyway, she's presenting Best Actor - Drama. Go Colin/Jesse/James!
AWARD! Yay, it's Colin Firth, as predicted and deserved! Wow, it's like Britain itself won the award, isn't it, British media? The British are coming, etc etc. Well, the Briton is coming, anyway.
I bet Hugh Grant is weeping into his whiskey now. Well, he should be.
Oh look, it's Michael Douglas, presenting something. The main point here is clearly Douglas himself and he duly gets a standing ovation.
"There has to be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says. Well played, Michael Douglas. How can anyone not love Mr Romancing the Stone, right?
AWARD! Best film - The Social Network, as predicted and semi-deserved. I preferred Black Swan but The Social Network will definitely do. And I love how they play Trent Reznor's music every time The Social Network gets something. Best thing about the film, in my opinion.
Well, that's it for tonight everyone. No real surprises in the film sections, quite a few surprises in the TV category.
All in all, The Social Network was the big winner tonight and I'm betting that the Oscars will pretty much copy the Golden Globes.
OK, I'm going to bed now where I'll probably dream about January Jones' dress, Sandra Bullock's hair and Andrew Garfield's inability to speak. It's a living.
Thanks for joining and come back tomorrow night for the liveblog of Piers Morgan's CNN debut. The glamour never ends round here.
Jessica White Anna Friel Monica Bellucci Minki van der Westhuizen Katharine Towne
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